Another time, another issue, another bitching moment

Hello again.

This is actually quite weird. It is has been more than three years since my last and only post. I even forgot that I had this blog until a complication with my lupus. Of course, it is a bit of a superficial thing, but definitely something on my mind that I've been trying to deal with. I figure that I should write about it, so I created a new blog. When I signed in using my g-mail account this morning, I found that I already had a blog - which was to serve the same purpose...

Recently, I found out that I have flat warts. Warts. Gross. Doctor says that it is something that I can't really do anything about and I just have to wait for my immune system to fight it off. Great, my immune system sucks. I feel gross. I feel dirty. I feel like I cannot touch anyone. I feel like every thing I do and everywhere I go, I am infecting someone. Doctor also says that most people's immune system's will fight it off, so I should not worry and just ignore it. Ignore it!! These little round white things on my face that could potentially infect someone else???? Of course I did a bunch of on-line research, which says that this could last up to YEARS!! Also, that it's pretty common among children and adolescents. So it makes me feel a little better that it is sort of everywhere, but at the same time, it's no fun having something. I started to really get down on myself, and wondering why this has to happen to me. Why does my immune system have to suck?? Why do I have to walk around worrying that I might hurt someone else? Why do I have to wake up every morning scared that something new might pop up? I have been doing pretty well lately, and this is the first real thing in quite some time (minus having allergic reaction to another medication, shingles, and strep), but I can't help but feel sorry for myself sometimes. I need to bitch. I need to say how I feel no matter how stupid it sounds because I cannot just hold it all inside. I feel sorry for myself, and I hate that it is happening to me, and I am scared of getting other people sick or getting some other sickness from someone else.

Okay, I said it. And now the high road. Flat warts are not going to kill anyone. It is mostly just annoying. Most people will NOT be affected by it, and possibly already have it. Most likely, someone who had it with no symptoms gave me the virus, and since my immune system is suppressed, I got the outer appearance. The flat warts are light white, almost flesh colored, so they are not too noticeable - I could probably cover it with makeup if I wanted. My doctor gave me some cream to try to help relieve it, so something is being done. Things could be a million time worse. They could look worse or hurt, I could have a worse complication with my lupus, I could be unemployed, I could have no support from family and friends, the list goes on. I should just put my chin up, and go about my day as usual -- just be careful when I touch things (don't touch the flat warts, then touch something else), and make sure to clean my hands regularly, etc. Nothing good comes from looking down on every situation all the time. As I noted earlier, it is good to let things out if you need to, but don't dwell!! I'm NOT doing to dwell!

Back to LIFE.